12 1/2 Cups of Coffee
Nonsensical ramblings from a loquacious gentleman.
sirnaqvi asked: i drank your half cup.
You have no idea how depressing this is.
I was walking to the store the other day and suddenly this squirrel ran out of a tree and I was like HOW CUTE A SQUIRREL and the squirrel was all like I WANT SOME NUTS FOO and I was all like BUT MR SQUIRREL I HAVE NO NUTS TO SPARE and the squirrel was all like TOO BAD and he exploded and I guess there was this couple nearby who were taking a walk and had never seen a squirrel explode before because the guy started screaming his lungs out and the other guy (I am not here to judge) was all like :O and all I could do was laugh and I think they like squirrels cause they called the cops and I was sent to jail for making a small woodland critter blow up and I was all like WTF THERE ARE NO WOODS BY MY DWELLING and the police guys were all like IT’S HOW WE DO THINGS BITCH and I’m all like YOU DO THINGS LIKE DOUCHES and that apparently kind of annoyed him because my sentence was extended to seven years instead of the original six which kind of confused me because what do sentences have to do with prison unless you do something like piss off a grammar nazi and he sends you to grammar prison which I suppose would have a lot of sentences but that is not something I would care to discuss ANYWAY I was sent to prison and there was this big guy named Fred who I guess ate babies? so that sort of scared me but then he was all like OH DEAR YOU DROPPED YOUR SOAP and I was all like WHERE and he was like HERE and he handed it to me so I said thanks and that he was actually pretty swell so we got to be pretty good buddies and we sometimes play Scrabble and this one time he lost the X tile and I got all mad and was like THERE IS ONLY ONE X PIECE IN THE WHOLE GAME AND YOU LOST IT RAAAAAAAGE and he started to cry and so I had to comfort him but then he got all better and so we started looking for the X tile and then we found it under a sofa along with a box labeled DO NOT OPEN-CONTAINS UNSPEAKABLE EVIL but with a label like that of course I’m gonna get curious so I opened it and then this dark spirit popped out and was all like YO HOMIES I BE HERE TO UBER PWN YOUR SPIRITS TO THE DARK ABYSS OF HADES YOU LOSER-SANS and I was like ‘dude you must of gone through like nine different stereotypes’ but then I realized that this was no ordinary dark spirit it was my arch-nemesis CTHULU and so I was like :O but then I got all >:l because he was wearing a tutu and so I was all like ‘dude come on stop being a silly goose (a goose that is silly) because this is serious business’ and so Cthulu was all SORRY I JUST GOT OUT OF DANCE RECITAL and so I told him that it was okay and we all do that sometimes but then we got our act together and started fighting and so Cthulu tried biting my leg off but I was like NUH-UH BITCH and kicked his tentacle mouth but he caught my leg and spun me in the air and I couldn’t help but start singing like YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABY RIGHT ROUND LIKE A RECORD BABY RIGHT ROUND ROUND ROUND and as it turns out Cthulu is like weak to disco or something because he just totally melted onto my floor and covered it in this weird (side note: why is weird not spelled like wierd because that is what the i before e rule taught me BUT I DIGRESS) and thick goop that probably would have stained my brand new carpet beyond recognition but the I realized that I still had Bounty© brand paper towels which made me briefly reflect on how lucky I am to have such commodities as paper towels while children in Africa don’t even get food but then I remembered that I do not really give any shits about Africa and their dilemmas so I got back to the issue at the time (which was the Cthulu gunk on my floor in case you have already forgoteen but that would make you stupid cause I just mentioned it like five sentences ago) and I set to work by placing one of the Bounty© brand paper towels on top of the gunk and I lifted up the Bounty© brand paper towel to find that the gunk was gone! turns out that it worked really well so i guess the point that I am trying to make is that Bounty© brand paper towels really fucking work man seriously go out and buy some right now if you have not already because Bounty© brand paper towels are the fucking shit man
So, apparently origami’s hard? Well, not so much hard as it is insanely confusing and difficult? And apparently, I made the mistake of basing a major art project on the whole concept? And apparently, I’m completely terrible at it, to the point of having trouble making a boat? A boat that, might I add, is five simple folds? And apparently, the kinds of origami I intend on doing is more like twenty-five to thirty million intricate folds? And apparently, I’m told I ask too many questions? That’s absurd.
…I agree entirely. The naked body is one of the most beautiful things to me, and it’s awful that people can’t seem to appreciate nudity in a sense that doesn’t involve sexuality. There’s nothing wrong with sexuality at all, but I feel like we should, as a culture, be able to…
Sorry to jump in here, but I just wanted to remark that I completely agree with you guys. I mean, the ancient Greeks viewed the naked body as being one of the most beautiful things ever made, hence all the statues involving nudity. The naked body is not inherently sexual, just as it’s not inherently artistic; It’s simply natural. Sex is a natural act, but not sex as it is viewed by the media and whatnot. Sex as a form of reproduction is natural, and that’s a beautiful thing. Sex for pleasure, however, is not. And it is for these reasons that artists try to create the naked body; It is the most simple, beautiful, natural thing we have. It is mankind stripped of all its defenses and prejudices and egotism; It’s just a person without any shame, or bigotry. This is the difference between nudity and pornography. Pornography is purely for pleasure, artistic nudity is the capturing of that pure and simple naturality within all people.
Just my two cents.
I have spent the last hour trying to upload one stupid picture, WHY HAVE YOU FAILED ME, TUMBLR???
We never did find out what Willis was talking about.
RIP
Today, I made pasta from scratch for my aunt’s birthday. It was delicious.
What? Not everything needs to be an insane rant.
wildcard-bitches-deactivated201 asked: I am lucky. It is a nice treat for me. I work outside all day and it was like 90 something all day and everyone kept talking about how there were going to be thunderstorms in the afternoon... and i couldnt wait for them!!! and here it is... 10:53 and the thunder is here!!!
I am rambling.
Lo Siento
Thunder is famous for always taking fashionably late to an extreme level. I once knew a thunder named Steve who was constantly showing up late to things, occasionally making it to my parties on the very next day. Wait, did I say thunder? Cause I meant taxidermist.
wildcard-bitches-deactivated201 asked: Want a bite of my tuna sandwich?
A sandwhich of tuna is what you give
Yet dost thou supply me with a flounder?
A fool can take all that which fore him lies.
If such a tuna were, then so would I.
Madam, I am most apt to embrace your appeal,
Lest I, no fool, lose sight of such a deal.
That’s right, I just answered your question in Iambic Pentameter. Aw snap.
So the other day I was jogging, as per usual, and I was going to the store, also as per usual, to get a coffee. However, when jogging, I stopped for a moment on account of finding a penny on the ground. Upon closer inspection, I found that the penny had eight hairy legs, was about the same size as me, and was actually a giant radioactive spider. Obviously I ran away from the beast, but as we all know, it’s impossible to run from laser-guided missiles. Oh yeah, the spider was able to launch laser-guided missiles. So one of the missiles came dangerously close to me, but it’s okay because I transformed into a dragon made of AWESOME and WIN and RAINBOWS and wait no I don’t mean rainbows I mean DEATH. So I fired DEATH at the spider and it exploded into a million tiny snowballs that then proceeded to eat my eyes out until I was left screaming on the floor in agony. I prayed to [Insert deity of choice for maximum empathy], and somehow, [he/she/it/schlim] heard my plees and came to my aid! [He/She/It/Schlim] smote all of those stupid snowballs and gave me a magic sceptre to ward off foes, which I keep on my person at all times to this very day!
lol jk, I don’t jog.
